Thoughtful Email #11 – A Vagabond Wish
Happiness - that ever elusive prize. We spend a lifetime trying to attain it, yet somehow never really getting it. Never realizing that all this time, what we are looking for lies calmly and safely within.
I sought it out, with all my might, in everything and everyone, and could not see it, could not find it anywhere. It was frustrating, to say the least, and yet for some reason, I kept looking, kept on searching.
At some point, I did give in. I let go of what I considered a hopeless goal, after all, society told me so, told me to let go of my foolish dreams and follow the sound of reason, their reason. And I did.
A mere content ensued, and I thought it was the closest I would get to being happy, that maybe, just maybe following the road that so many have taken before me, would lead me to a happiness. They could not be all wrong. Can they? But something happened, somewhere deep within, I felt a crack. Something broke I feared, and automatically, I searched deep within to find it and mend it.
What I found surprised and terrified me.
I found myself, looking back at me, with a fiery glare. Anger in my own inner eyes was glowing brighter than the sun at its peak, and slowly I walked towards myself. I was mesmerized, and could not look away. The harder I tried the harder it became. I soon was standing right in front of myself, and felt a heat, a fire reaching out to grab me.
The terror grew to panic, and I was frozen in place. The flame took hold of me, grabbed my throat, stifling any attempt to cry out for help, and my blazing self spoke softly into my flabbergasted, wide open eyes.
“I sat here in the dark, waiting a lifetime for you to call me out, and all you did was keep me in the shadows. I have waited patiently for you, but no more. You will heed my call. You will do my bidding, and you have no option, no choice.”
The flaming grip relaxed enough for me take a deep, warm breath, and I knew from the look on my face, that I was expected to answer. It is thus that the words came out of my mouth, fleeting words that I seemed unable to control. In disbelief at what I was saying I replied:
“Speak, and I shall listen.”
A smile on my fervent self did not comfort me, until I spoke:
“You will follow your heart, your passion. You will make your message known to the world, and will do so regardless of the fear. Come what may, you will always be happy.
Happiness is not a journey nor is it an end. Happiness is simply a state of mind. A state of mind that you shall not replace for anything, under any circumstance. You will go forth, and achieve that which is your innermost self. I will be brought out.”
My throat was now released completely, and I was expected to yet again speak my mind:
“I know I have a passion for the arts, but what am I to do? What about money? What about making a living for myself in order to be able to sometime, down along the way, have a family?”
The fire in my other eyes grew ablaze, the grip back on my throat, and with anger my other self said:
“It is not about finding a job that provides you with money, but finding a way to make money from your passion. The ideas are there, dormant in your mind, some you already have thought about, and you will execute them.
The journey will be tough, and you will be criticized by many out there who believe such a vagabond life to be insane and wrong. You will disregard them. You will dismiss such negative thoughts and move on. Past the pain, past the tiredness, past the doubt.”
Back out of my mind, my heart beating fast, I finally found the truth. I had to seek it deep within myself, but I found it. My way of being happy. The life that I always dreamed of.
What you want is deep within you, waiting patiently. I was lucky to have it get angry enough to call me in, grab and shake me awake from this slumber. Do not wait for that luck. Dig deep into yourself, and call yourself out, face yourself, and have a long, honest discussion. It will be terrifying, believe me… but most worth it.
You see, I have decided to live the vagabond life. To chase my dream, and be happy enjoying the journey I am about to embark on. It scares me at times, but I quickly dismiss these thoughts, replacing them with hope. The hope, that tomorrow will be just as sweet as today is.
My vagabond wish to all of you chasing your dream:
May you be as happy as a child chasing a kite along the green grass of the prairies.
May you laugh with excitement with every new day.
May you sleep like a baby with not a worry on your mind.
Marc Khoury
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