Happily ever after… is so once upon a time

We all know the stories, don’t we?

The damsel in distress, whatever this distress may be, who is longing for a prince charming to come and rescue her. The prince, ever so charming and dashing, with a heart full of courage and nobility, starts off on a quest to seek, find and rescue his princess.

After a lot of hardship, they find each other, overcome a final obstacle, and then… well… they live happily ever after.

We love those stories. They fill us with hope, teach us nobility, romance… maybe even courage. They also teach us that to find the right person, you need to go through hardship… a lot of it. I can’t stress enough how much hardship you need to overcome first. Witches, Wizards, Dragons, Spells… you name it, someone thought about it, wrote it and our parents read it to us.

Now, in the real world, the one we live in at least, witches are bitches. These annoying women with whom you made the fatal mistake of dating. Wizards are jealous ex-boyfriends or clingy ones. Dragons could be thought to be parents or friends or these irrelevant people who somehow have the power to interfere, although they technically shouldn’t be a problem.

Finally, spells are the endless psychological problems that lie within the one you somehow think is the right person for you. By endless I mean: limitless, infinite, inexhaustible, boundless, immeasurable…. just look them up in a thesaurus.

Let’s take a moment, and try, however hopeless that might be, to recap relationships within a small story. The premise is, of course, that of the stories defined above.

There is a man, who as required by society, needs to find a woman. So he sets out on a quest to find his princess, the one he has dreamed of all of his life. Therefore, he goes out, clubbing, and meets endless princesses of shaky backgrounds. Some of course are amazing; just not for him. Everyone has something beautiful in her, but… in come the obstacles.

This is the time, when your worth is put to the test and you better deliver. Don’t ask for help… you are supposed to overcome these tests on your own. Well maybe with the help of your trusted steed, but that’s as far as they will allow you. Deal with it!!

So you play the game of dating and what not… she plays hard to get… after all she is in the dungeon of the highest tower… and you will appear to actually want to try and rescue her… somehow, this whole process has survived…

Cut to the actual rescue, you carry her out to safety, and voila. The celebration follows, and everyone is happy, chanting and wishing you the best… you set off into the sunset in a carriage that says… Just Married… and suddenly, the unseen narrator says: “and they lived happily ever after”.

Have you noticed that no one ever tells the story, after they hook up? it’s always the before… always the problems, and to convince you that this is worthwhile, they say “and they lived happily ever after”. Seriously? one line? just one line to talk about happiness?  A whole book dealing with the pain and suffering you go through for a prize at the end, and what do you tell me about the prize? just one friggin line, and no more.

Experience however, has taught us otherwise. We have figured out the answer. In real life, this happily ever after… is a myth. The problems do not cease, neither do the obstacles. In fact, every day becomes a short version of the whole story. With nighttime being the prize, for as long as she doesn’t have a headache.

A point to note here, is that the Prince as well, has shortcomings… or actually is a shortcoming. He is not as charming as you would hope, not as noble or possibly has none of the characteristics of your fairytale savior. Some are wizards that you mistook for a prince. Yet, we somehow convince ourselves that in real life, things are just a little different. They are VERY different.

There is no happily ever after… that was soooo once upon a time; and I am not so sure of that either. It is a myth we are told, brainwashed with, in order to reproduce and ensure the survival of the species. A species that should not have survived at all. Well maybe just some of us.

What they don’t tell you in those fairytales is how much trouble, in preparation of the wedding, you go through. Planning, financing, children, parents, friends…. it’s a hassle. If you have gotten married, you know what I am talking about… if you haven’t… well… trust me… it’s hell. What kind of flowers, music and food are you gonna have? Where will you do it? More important, who will you invite? What is the budget you will allocate to the marriage?

Do they tell you that it will cost you an arm and a leg to get married? Nope!

Do they tell you that you will spend sleepless nights worrying about the day? Nope!

Do they tell you anything about the socializing you need to do after? Nope!

They tell absolutely nothing about the truth. Nothing at all. Just the sweet, romantic parts, that will get you excited and wanting it. Needing it… maybe even working you up to an addiction to it. To the point where you will define yourself by the relationship.

Why?

Simple… they want you to go through the same pain they have.

Now, there are those who actually got married to their princess, who might be living happily… those for whom marriage was a step up… but these are the lucky few… rare people who found in their princess their best friend… but everybody else… well….

Think about it… has anyone ever wished you to get married, with a genuine smile of happiness? they always send you their wishes, with that strange look in their eyes, that says: “I hope you get nailed too…”

Somehow, they want you to share in their misery… sometimes, I can see through their eyes, that they believe this to be a mistake… Almost every man tells you that you will fall victim to this… almost every woman justifies it by saying how amazing it will be to have children… but it feels off… something that just does not process the right way.

Compare these wishes, to someone who just had sex for the first time… odds are, if they are to talk to you about it, you can feel this genuine excitement emanating from their core… and if you still haven’t done it… well now you want to… and bad… try to recall the first time someone told you about it… before you did… and contrast this with the way people wish you try getting married.

I believe it is about time for me to take a moment and remind you (or tell you if you don’t know) that I am not against marriage. I am, by no means, promoting the single life, or calling out against fairytales. I am simply appalled by the fact that humanity has distorted these stories, and misused them to the point, where marriage is no longer what it used to be. Relationships are no longer spontaneous, romantic and appealing. They are now a process that seems to be required by society, and for some reason, we all comply without a moment’s thought.

Commitment is a state of mind, not a piece of paper or a ring on your finger.

Commitment can only be achieved, when you are comfortable enough with who you are, and where you are in life.

Do not stand at either extreme, of saying you must get married, or say don’t get married…

Marriage should be the logical next step in a relationship…

Step 1: Dating (includes sex, drinks and fun)

Step 2: Serious Relationship (boyfriend, girlfriend, meet the parents type, includes sex)

Step 3: Engagement (not necessary, but helpful depending on your society, and sex)

Step 4: Marriage (it’s time to get a family together… through sex)

You can notice that I have not added any time or schedule to the above steps, but rather defined them according to their essence, to what you will be doing, or where your state of mind may be.

Step 3 is purely optional, and typically, follows the same reasoning as step 4…

The 4 steps are what the fairytales used to be about…

Step 1: Becoming infatuated with the princess.

Step 2: Setting off on the quest to rescue her.

Step 3: Fighting the final enemy guarding the dungeon.

Step 4: Victory, and the happily ever after…

Fairytales have been demoted to nothing more than daydreams. We lost this sense of wonder and anticipation while listening to these stories. We watch them with a sense of longing, a smile drawn on our faces that says: “how I wish this were true”.

I can’t help but wonder why. Why is it that fairytales have now become so fleetingly available to us? Why can’t we seem to find our princesses and princes? Why are people so obsessed with the thought of marriage? of having children?

More than anyone else, I love a good story.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess, who lived a charming life. But one day, her parents did something, and she got locked away in a dungeon. Every day she stared longingly out the window, hoping that a knight in shining armor will come to her rescue. Save her from this prison that has become her life.

Her story reached far and wide, to a town, far away, where lived prince charming. His name was Marc. He had all the qualities of prince charming: Noble, Brave, a Gentleman. He felt compelled to go to her rescue.

But then he figured… what the hell… I’ll just have another drink and go home.

And he lived happily ever after.

Marc Khoury

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